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Transition: Disrupting the Highlight Reel

Landyn Crying After a Bath With Josh Holding Him

Being inspirational does not mean being positive. For some reason we have equated being positive with being inspirational and I think this is a dangerous notion.

Fact is that being inspirational should cover the good the bad and the ugly. It should mean sharing the highs and the lows.

We are talking about transition this week in the vlog and I want to say my transition into motherhood was hard. And I’m not the only one who has experienced this. I know I’m not alone but it isn’t shared enough. Stepping into motherhood I’ve felt the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I’m a good mom, a strong mom, a loving and caring mom. And I’m going to say it again it was hard. I needed help and that’s the most vulnerable I’ve ever felt in my life. Motherhood tears down walls but can also allow you to build huge walls. It feels isolating and joyful at the same time.

I believe in sharing the hard parts because without sharing the valley of the journey the mountain tops mean nothing. The mountains simply become the comfort zone. And no wonder we are seeing our mental health deteriorate all over the world.

SOCIAL. Media is no longer a place we say BRB to. We live here now. (I can’t take credit for this I read it in a post) And that’s scary. If we live online we need to be honest online. The perfection being curated is toxic. Yup I said it TOXIC. No wonder our children are depressed, struggling and hurting. They believe their life should be filled with constant uninterrupted highlight reel. We are being sold the manufacturer, edited and marketed perfectionism. Perfection isn’t REAL. I’m guilty of this… And I’m going to stop because it isn’t helpful it is hurtful. We are harming others with this. NO MORE!

Mental health needs to be a constant conversation not just a post after suicide. I’m thankful the topic is opening up but somehow it has a short lived season following a celebrities passing. WHY? This happens everyday to humans all across the world. To loved ones, neighbors, coworkers, and friends. Why should we stay quiet until someone in the main stream is taken. I’m not making light of the events and those who took their own lives. They are missed, they inspired those around them. But why are we okay with only having seen their highlight reel? We need to be challenging this. We wonder why they thought they were so alone. I can tell you why because this conversation on the hard times has a limit, an end date, and expiration. Those who don’t feel loved, supported or feel they constantly aren’t good enough are vulnerable. And NEWS FLASH we are all vulnerable.

When Landyn was first born I would seek comfort on Instagram, youtube and Facebook to know I wasn’t alone. But what I got was the idea that every parent I followed had children that never cried. I started to believe my child was the only one that cried. So I cried right along with Landyn. I thought that I was the only one struggling. I thought I was alone. That’s scary, it hurt and it’s dangerous.

Josh later showed me my Facebook and Instagram and said look your baby doesn’t cry either… All my pictures were of a happy sweet content baby boy. It hit me hard.

For some reason others can only tolerate so much of the hard stuff. We have been conditioned to only tolerate a certain amount of sadness, hurt, and raw emotion. That’s scary. No wonder people are so scared to reach out for help. They feel ashamed and embarrassed because their personal highlight reel is being disrupted. The image they have created feels tarnished for asking for help…Thats Awful! That’s shameful. We should embrace every part of the human journey. The ups and downs of the human journey. And be there no matter how.long it takes. We weren’t designed to be on this earth to be constantly happy. That’s heaven my friends. And the only way to see parts of heaven on earth is to love each other through the dark times, the rough seasons and bumpy roads. Who am I if I’m only loving when times are good? If I’m only supportive during the highs? Who am I if I only show the highlight reel? I’m FAKE if I continue this narrative.

So I’m disrupting it because my son deserves to know that feeling sad is ok, feeling lonely is ok, being angry is ok and that I will be there through it all. By his side. My friends should know I’m going to listen. I’m not going to try to fix it, make it better, or say suck it up. My husband needs to know he doesn’t always have to be the rock. I can be his too. He shouldnt be ashamed to cry, to feel sad or feel like he isn’t good enough. No! That’s not healthy. The last thing I needed when I was struggling through the first 3 months with Landyn was someone making it better. Josh cried with me and he held me and he stayed by me. No saying it gets better, no pandering to feel hope or cheering me up. He was simply with me. And he made me laugh. That helped.

I needed Josh to listen and he did. I needed to be heard by my own mom and she listened. I needed help from my mother and father in law and they helped. I needed to cry on the phone with my friend. And we did. That’s what I needed. I felt depressed and alone. I needed them all by my side and I had that. I’m blessed. That’s why I’m okay. And okay is an okay place to be. You are on a journey and happiness is NOT the goal. Support and care is the goal. Love and love only is the goal.

So with that please share the hard times, we can all use the love, support and encouragement. I’m anxious sharing these words because somehow someone wishes to twist my intentions to evil. Stop. This isn’t self-serving this is love. You deserve love. This is helping, encouraging and supportive.

We need to start believing that everyone is doing their best with what they have. Life would be so much more beautiful if we believed everyone was doing their best. No more throwing crisitism, easy fixes and hate their way. Love comes in many shapes and forms. Use your love to be there for someone. I’m not ashamed. I needed help. I will need help again.

So please challenge the idea that “you are only inspirational if you are positive” Challenge that idea that “your good days are all that matter” Embrace the whole human experience and support others in it too. The bad days inspire too. The hard times are encouraging. Your voice matters. Your experience matters. Love matters. Love wins. But love in the valleys, on the climb and at the mountain tops. We all have to come down the mountain too. Let’s do this together.

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  • Beautiful wise words Kali.. It is a beautiful thing to see you embrace the whole journey. Life is not perfect, we are not perfect, allowing ourselves to be vulnerable & show those imperfections to our trusted loved ones is hard…. showing that to the world, as you are doing, is one of the most honest acts of bravery I have ever seen. Watching your husband support you through baring your soul to the world was lovely, what a gift…. -you guys & your love, are a gift to one another, a gift to your son & a gift to us ALL. Thank you for being REAL & being a REAL inspiration! ~God Bless, Georgi

    • Thanks so much Georgi for your sweet comment. Feels like a weight was lifted sharing all of that. Not going to let so much time pass before sharing again. And Josh is super a wonderful support. I am so blessed to have such an amazing husband. Sending huge hugs and God Bless! -Kali

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